My Two Cents on Baby Gear

    I love reading lists of "Top 10 Things to Buy for Baby" or "5 Thing You Don't Really Need for Baby". I think for the most part what baby stuff you will end up needing or even using at all is highly dependent on your own preferences and your family situation. I always find it interesting to see what other people couldn't live without and which things just didn't do it for them. So for what it's worth, here are my baby gear opinions. Also, know that no matter what you decide you need, you can always borrow or buy used. Baby stuff is everywhere.
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Essentials

   These are the things I would bring if stranded on a desert island. You'll notice this is the shortest list. I am kind of minimalist sometimes, especially when it comes to Perrin stuff. Babies really don't *need* anything other than YOU, but the following items can make parenthood, especially the early days, a little bit easier.

1. Baby carrier. Do you like doing things, ever? Get one. You can nurse, hold, rock your baby while you make dinner or vacuum or build a chicken coop or do any other random tasks. Babywearing is great for fussy babies who need to be in arms and for colicy and reflux babies who are more comfortable upright. There are a thousand different kinds, so find one that works for you. Some of them can get kind of pricey, but since you will be cutting out all the unnecessary crap, you should have sufficient funds. Borrow different carriers from other mamas to find out what your style is, then try to look for a used one if you want to save some money. They are out there aplenty.
2. Pillow for nursing. Note I did not say a "nursing pillow". While there are some great pillows made specifically for nursing (i.e. Boppy and My Breastfriend), you don't have to get anything fancy. Just make sure you have a thick, firm pillow that makes you comfortable. They key to a comfortable nursing position is to bring the baby to the breast, not the breast to the baby, which means unless you are wearing the baby or side-lying, you are going to either need a pillow or some wicked biceps.
3. Cloth diapers. I love our cloth diapers. We have saved so much money. I honestly don't even know how to use disposables. What size would I buy? How often do you change them? How many do you need? Like babywearing, there are a million different ways to cloth diaper. We kept things simple. I have 18 one size pocket diapers. The same diapers Perrin wears now and for the foreseeable future are the same ones he wore when he was a week old (we did use one pack of newborn disposables for the meconium phase). We have moved up to the larger inserts, but the diapers came with a set of large and small. The only extras I have bought were a set of large hemp inserts I use for nighttime diapers. I strip them once every six weeks and voila! Brand new.

Maybe for some folks

  These are things may not be usefully for everyone, but may be a life saver for others.

1. Baby monitor. We never had a baby monitor. Even if Perrin didn't always sleep in-arms, our house is tiny and there is no place where I could not hear him. However, if you do have a baby who sleeps alone for naps or goes to bed before you and your house is large, this might be a good idea.
2. Double electric pump. If you aren't planning on working or going to school while breastfeeding, you may not ever need to pump. Or you may find a manual pump or hand expression to be easier for you. I however LOVE my Hygeia Enjoye double electric. I have been able to donate over 3,000 ounces at this point and it has been great when I have had to leave Perrin for a few hours. That being said, if I wasn't donating I could probably have gotten by with just a manual pump.
3. Moses basket/ Bassinet. Since you will be skipping out on a crib (which we will discuss below), you may want to have a moses basket or bassinet for when the baby naps or goes to bed before you. Perrin always slept either worn or in arms, so we didn't end up using his much, but most babies will sleep by themselves at some point. When are they are too big, you can just put them to sleep in the family bed and either use a side rail, pillow wall, or pillow landing pad in case they wake up feeling adventurous. (*Note- young babies should not be in a bed with pillows or thick blankets due to the risk of suffocation.)
4. Baby bath. Once again, we never had a baby bath. For starters Perrin didn't get his first bath until he was a month old, and then usually only got one a week or so. When he did get a bath, Joey always bathed with him. It's a great way for the non-breastfeeding parent to bond with the baby and get some of that amazing skin to skin time. Once Perrin was old enough to support his head well, we would sometimes bathe him in the sink. And then once he could sit up, we would just sit him in the bottom of the shower with us. However, if you don't plan on bathing with the baby in the beginning, you will probably need some sort of baby bath. My recommendation is to once again buy one used or borrow one from a friend.

Don't bother

    These are things I really see no point in spending your money on. Save the money and put it towards a labor and post-partum doula. 

1. Bibs. Ok, I may be alone in this but I just don't see the point of bibs. We have a metric shit ton of bibs that we were given and we never ever use them. I don't understand when I was supposed to use them. We tried putting one on Perrin when we introduced solids and yeah, it kept that one part of his shirt clean but the rest of him was filthy so what difference does it make? He still got changed and bathed. I know some people use them for drooling and teething, but for whatever reason they just never were that useful for us. If you do need bibs, let me know and I will send you a bunch.
2. Crib (or nursery for that matter). Newborns should be cosleeping- that is room or bedsharing- with you. It is the safest place for them to sleep as it reduces their risk of SIDS. They need to be near their mothers because her heart rate, breathing, and sleep patterns will help their young brains regulate their own bodies. If you don't want to bed share or something precludes you from bedsharing safely, all you need to do is use a bassinet or cosleeper. Instead of buying a crib that they will grow out of, just get a twin or even double bed for them. By the time they are done cosleeping, they will do fine in a real bed. If you are worried, you can always just start with a mattress directly on the floor. One day when I get around to it we will set up Perrin's "room". I ordered him a day bed from Ikea, but I doubt he will be using it anytime soon.
3. Baby receptacles. I include in this bouncy seats, swings, Bumbos, Exersaucers, Jumperoos, walkers, and the like. Just wear your baby. He will be happier and get more developmentally important stimulation. Now, I know there are times when you need to put the baby down, but I suggest waiting it out and learning a bit more about your baby before dropping a ton of money. We found out that we needed somewhere safe to place Perrin while I showered in the mornings, so we bought a $30 bouncy seat (which I should have gotten used but didn't think about at the time). Other than that, I just wore him because that is what worked for us.
4. Infant bucket seat. Just go ahead and buy a convertible seat. Our Graco My Ride goes from 5 to 40 lbs. rear facing and up to 70 pounds forward facing. I know it can be tempting to carry baby around in the little bucket seat, but it's not great for the baby. Wear the baby and save yourself the expense of buying two separate carseats.
5. Changing table. You can change diapers on the floor, the couch, the bed, the top of a dresser, the back seat of the car, a patch of cushy grass. There is no reason to buy a changing table.
6. Baby food maker. You can even skip "baby food" altogether. Learn more about baby-led solids and just feed your baby (who is at least 6 months old) whatever you are eating. No disgusting rice cereal or jarred food. No need to buy some kind of expensive food processor or spend all that time preparing extra food.
7. Nursing cover. Ok, this one should probably go in the "Maybe for Some Folks" category, but I'm going to be selfish here. I know there are some moms who just prefer to use a nursing cover, and I know there are even some babies who get distracted a nurse better with one at certain times. But I am going to ask you, beg you, to not get a nursing cover. If some one gives you one, return it. Do it for me. Do it for people like me who had almost no exposure to breastfeeding and have no clue what they are doing and need the camaraderie and support. Do it for my child and your child so they grow up in a world where feeding your baby is so normal and commonplace that it is completely unremarkable. It's not a topic for magazine covers or talk shows. Twitter doesn't flip out every time a celebrity does "it". It's just- normal. Normalize breastfeeding, please?

Crunchy Confessions: Household Products

    Continuing on with the series, I figured I'd share some of the household products we use. Much like our personal hygiene products, we make it a priority to avoid toxic or harsh chemicals as well as those that are damaging to the environment. An added bonus is that most of what we use is also dirt cheap. Yayness!

   So let's start with cleaners. Vinegar. Baking Soda. Yup, that's about it. Seriously though- I have a spray bottle with half vinegar and half water. I use that for the laminate floors, glass, kitchen and bathroom. I use baking soda for stuck on grime or anything that needs a little extra scrubbing power. I've found they work just as good as most commercial cleaners; they just require a little more elbow grease. But really, who out there is adverse to burning a few extra calories? Vinegar is antibacterial, so it's a great replacement for bleach and other harsh chemicals.

   I also make our own laundry detergent. I make 5 gallons at a time and it only costs a couple of bucks per batch. Here is the recipe I use:
      Fill a 5 gallon bucket half way with hot water.
      Add 1 cup Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda and 1/2 Borax and stir until dissolved.
      Grate 1 bar of soap (we use a castille soap with tea tree oil)
      Heat a pot of water on the stove and gradually stir in the soap flakes until completely dissolved.
      Mix into bucket.
      Fill the rest of the way with hot water.
      Let sit for 24 hours.
       Stir before each use

That's it! We have an old plastic detergent dispenser that we fill with our soap so that we don't have to get the big heavy bucket out each time. I think the original recipe said to fill the dispenser with half soap half water, but Joey gets really sweaty so we've always just used our double strength (it still lasts forever, so why not?). This works great for us. Joey has a reaction to some detergents so this is a good option. We used in on Perrin's newborn clothes and I even use it on our cloth diapers. If I need to get something extra clean (like dingy whites or stripping the diapers) I just do a prewash with some vinegar and baking soda (you can also add a little Borax if you have hard water).

   Another thing we try to limit is our consumption of paper products. We still use toilet paper (so far...) but Perrin's diapers are all cloth. We also don't buy paper towels. I have a ton of rags made of cut up t-shirts that we didn't want anymore and we use those to clean up day to day messes. We even stopped buying paper coffee filters and got a reusable metal one.

   The few things we do still buy are hand-soap, dishwasher detergent, and dish-soap. I have found some good recipes to try to make our own, but I just haven't gotten around to it yet. But we like the money we save and it's nice that I don't have to worry about Perrin or the animals being affected by any of the products. And did I mention how cheap vinegar and baking soda are?!

Project Real Life- My House

     I had a great conversation with a friend the other day. She had invited some other moms and I over for a get together with the babies and she was telling me about how stressed out she was over getting her house in order. And about how stupid she thought it was that she was letting it stress her out. We are all moms, we all have messes, and we are all friends. What did she feel like she had to prove? I do the same thing. When I have people over I am frantically cleaning for at least two days before and straightening up until the first person shows. But why? The condition of our house is good enough for us to live in day after day, surely our friends can survive it for a few hours. But I'm sure most of us will admit that we would be embarrassed if people saw our home on a regular day. And why? Who cares?

   I get it. A clean house is supposed to be part of the package. Right along with cooking healthy homemade meals and having a color-coordinated wardrobe. But come on...haven't we moved beyond this June  Cleaver ideal of what it means to be a good mother or woman or person? Does the state of your house really have any bearing on your identity or worth? Obviously we're not talking about basic levels of sanitation and hygiene. What we are talking about is a particular aesthetic, and more importantly an aesthetic that is not necessarily appealing to ourselves but that we adopt because we feel it is expected of us. So I'm calling bullshit.

   I'm a messy person. I always have been. I *know* that it's easier to put things away as I use them and clean as I go, but I am still going to set whatever is in my hands on the kitchen island every. damn. time. Every now and then the mess starts to make me feel anxious- so I clean it up. Then I feel better. Then I make the mess again. And that is completely fine because it's just how I roll. In years B.P. (before Perrin), Joey and I cleaned the house top to bottom every week. Every Saturday we picked up, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. But it only took about 24 hours for the counters to become cluttered again. Now that we are in A.P. (after Perrin), we're lucky if we mop the floors once every two weeks. And Perrin eats off those floors (to be fair he also eats dirt, so I refuse to beat myself up about some dog drool and floor Cheerios- organic floor Cheerios I might add). I don't think to clean the bathroom until the shower curtain get mildewy. At first it drove me insane. But now...I have accepted it. It won't last forever. And even if it does- so what? We are all happy and healthy, what else really matters? Why should I stress myself out over something I couldn't care less about?

   Sometimes I find myself rationalizing it in my head. Perrin is really high maintenance. He lap naps. We are just really busy. If things were different, our house would be much cleaner. But the truth is, I don't think it would be. And I'm sure I could find the time to stay on top of things if I tried harder. I spend a lot of time cruising online home improvement stores. We don't have to go to the zoo AND Children's Museum AND library AND park every single week. But I want to do those things. I like doing them. I like laying in bed with Perrin and snuggling and watching the animals chase each other.  And who knows- maybe some moms are able to do all those things AND have a sparkling clean home. I guess I just don't want it bad enough. And that is ok.

   So the purpose of this post is for everyone to see the different variations of a normal household. Some are minimalist and sparkling. Some look like a tornado hit. But you know what? I doesn't make a bit of difference. Some people are just really good at the house keeping thing. I'm not one of them. I'm good at building things, but I don't expect my friends to build elaborate arbors and remodel their bathroom every time I come over. So here are some pictures submitted by some wonderful friends. We openly and unapologetically invite you into our homes as we live in them. No explanations of why we clean or don't. No lists of the things we do instead. No good intentions. Because we shouldn't have to explain ourselves. We don't owe anyone some arbitrary aesthetic lifestyle. So here is the clean and dirty.  Enjoy.

    We don't make our bed. Ever. I just don't see the point. I don't plan to ever start making my bed. I've read that you sleep better if you do, so I tried it for a little while. Meh. Not worth it. But it looks like I'm not the only one!

Sarah Harris would like to claim her fame for this snuggle fest.

Have I ever mentioned that I HATE folding clothes?

Oh my God! These living rooms look LIVED IN! The horror!

It's like they have baby or something!

Oh...

I guess I have to own this one.

And then there is the rest..

This will be Perrin's room...one day.

I will set it on the counter. 

Another lovely example from the Harris household

Oh my god Sarah, you can keep a baby AND a plant alive?!

Rodgers in the house! 

So there you have it! Real life in a few of our houses. Feel free to continue sending me pictures. And don't feel bad about leaving those dishes in the sink. Unless you want to wash the dishes. Then go for it! 

If School House Rock did a parenting series- Elimination Communication

      Ok, so here is my super informative post on elimination communication (EC). Let me first start by saying I am not a potty expert. I have zero EC credentials. I read a book and started letting Perrin running around like a naked little hooligan a couple times a day. However, a couple people have expressed interest in learning more about EC and what I am doing with Perrin, so I'll tell you as much as I know. I got most of my information from the book Diaper Free Baby as well as The Other Parenting Book. Joey and I discussed EC when I was pregnant and agreed we wanted to try it, but it was never much of a priority. I knew I was going to breastfeed, I wanted to cosleep, I had every intention of using cloth diapers, but EC was just an idea that seemed interesting that I wanted to try out. I originally said I would start at 3 months because I figured I would have a handle on the whole baby thing by then...ha. So then I said 6 months, but that didn't happen. So I ended up starting at 7 1/2 months. Better late than never? I apologize if this isn't super organized; EC can be a done a bajillion different ways so there is a lot to go over. Let's start with some EC basics.

      EC is not "potty training." You are not using rewards and punishments to elicit a behavior and the main goal is not to have a child who is completely toilet independent. EC is first and foremost about communicating with your baby. The example the Diaper Free Baby gives that made a lot of sense likens it to reading your baby's hunger and sleep cues (versus sleep training and scheduled feeding). It's baby-led elimination. It's based off the premise that newborns have a natural instinct to not soil themselves. Ever notice how new babies like to go as soon as you are trying to change them? That is the instinct at work. This is also culturally based. Diapers are very modern and very western. In other places, the practices we associate with EC are normal infant care practices, just like feeding them.
    So, the basic gist of EC is to create an awareness between you and your baby about their elimination needs so that you can help them to maintain the awareness of their bodily functions that they are born with. When we diaper babies, over time we essentially teach them to become accustomed to soiling themselves (since it goes against that natural instinct) and then have to un-teach that for conventional potty training. When you are aware of their elimination, you can give them an alternative place to pee or poop besides a diaper such as a potty, bowl, or toilet. The benefits are mainly allowing your baby to follow their natural instincts and becoming closer to your child through a new form of awareness and communication. However, many times EC also includes the added bonuses of less diaper use, and easier and earlier toilet independence.
     There are about a million different approaches to EC. You can do it full time or only occasionally. You can use diapers all the time, some times, or never at all. You can start on day one or wait until toddlerhood (although the book states that 3-8 months is the ideal starting time due to the child's abilities and the existence of that initial instinct). You can buy a bunch of props and gear or go minimalist. It really depends on your goals and needs.

    Our goals are pretty simple. I want to help Perrin maintain his awareness of his elimination and give him opportunities to potty outside of a diaper. I like the idea of learning his cues better and I am also hoping that it will make his transition to toilet independence smoother and faster since he will already be familiar with the process.
   The book suggests starting out with just an hour or so of diaper free time a day do let your baby get used to being naked. If he pees, cue him with a sound or word you intend on using to bring his attention to what is happening and letting him associate the action with the sound (we say "peepee" over and over again, almost like a baby chick sound and sign for 'toilet'). You can also pay attention when they have their diapers on and if they are obviously going to bathroom, cue as well and try to change them as soon as possible.
The first few days I aimed to give him at least an hour a day with no diaper. Now I usually let him go diaper free whenever we are home as long as I'm not wearing him or he's not napping.
   The book also gives suggestions for key times when babies usually pee so that you can try to "catch" the opportunity on the potty. After a day or two of diaper free time, I noticed Perrin usually goes after waking up from a nap, so now I give him a few minutes after waking up then let him sit on his potty for a bit. Also at the suggestion of the book, I offer a potty opportunity when I take him out of a carrier because babies generally don't like to go to the bathroom while being worn. So these are the two keys times where we try to put him on the potty, and then while home we provide lots of naked time. We still use diapers when we go out and when Perrin sleeps. It is totally possible to EC over night as well, but since Perrin sleep nurses in a side lying position and I barely have to roll over, I'm not willing to wake both of us up to try it. We also have only been focusing on pee. The book suggests starting with bowel movements since they are usually much more obvious than pee, but Perrin usually goes first thing in the morning as he's waking up and I don't want to rush around trying to get him on the potty.
    So basically we are just taking it slow and trying to have very low expectations, though I will say both Joey and I have been impressed by how much success we have had. Today, less than a week from starting, Perrin peed on the potty four times (plus twice on the floor :) ). I really think he is starting to trust that we will provide opportunities on the potty and as a result is developing a preference to not go in his diaper. Above all, this is a journey and a process- an experience to learn from. It's not supposed to be stressful for us or Perrin. If he doesn't want to sit on the potty, he doesn't have to. If he gets up and immediately pees on the floor, so be it. But I must say, he looks pretty adorable while he is on there.

   Oh, and before I forget- the potty itself. You can just hold the baby over the toilet or help support them on it, but I wanted a potty to keep in the living room so I didn't have to take him back and forth. You just use a bowl or something if you want. A friend recommended this Beco potty. It's made from recycled plant waste and is completely biodegradable. It's the perfect size for Perrin.

    I hope this explanation made at least a little sense. If have any questions, please feel free to ask!

Crunchy Confessions: #1 Clean Hippies

   I'm finally getting around to officially starting my series that I've been thinking of doing for a while (though I already did my vaccine post a few weeks ago). For those of you who are unaware, the term "crunchy" (derived from the concept of being "granola") is a slang label often used to refer to more natural minded individuals of varying degrees and interests. A neo-hippie, if you will. In all fairness, it's a pretty meaningless label. As Joey likes to lament, some people are "birth crunchy" or crunchy in certain aspects but don't seem to let the same philosophies affect other aspects of their lives. I myself used to take offense to the term, but have since learned to laugh at and embrace it. I'm fairly certain there is no official crunchy barometer (though this crunchy Moh's scale is a great start), but I once didn't get a yoga teaching position because I was "too granola" so I feel like I probably pass whatever arbitrary threshold exists.
  For some of you these topics may not seem crunchy at all (this will probably include some of our AZ pals. Maybe Holly and JB) and others may think we are f*cking insane. But these are some topics that have either garnered questions or concern from others, so they might be of interest to you. Either you'll gain insight into how other, stranger people live or you will take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone.

  So here goes our first installation. Our hygiene practices may be slightly different from some people's. Mostly they revolve around two basic ideas- 1) That our bodies are usually healthiest and best functioning when left alone in their natural state. 2) Trying to limit our exposure to toxins and chemicals. So what does this look like for us?

  We didn't bathe Perrin until he was a month old. He was born, laid on my chest, covered with a blanket, and that was that. After one month, we started doing family bath time as just another activity, but we still have never used any kind of soap or product on him. Nothing but water. Putting off newborn baths has shown some pretty awesome health benefits. For one, the baths result in unnecessary separation of the mother-infant dyad during a super important time for bonding and breastfeeding. Also, infants who are bathed after birth have a harder time regulating body temperature. It can also interfere with the development of a healthy flora for the baby- one big advantage of a vaginal birth that more and more science is looking to to explain life long health trends. Finally, the vernix that covers the baby's skin at birth has antibacterial properties and can help keep baby protected from germs in their new world. Babies don't need soap. Their skin is sensitive and many products can be irritating. Rinsing with a little water is all they need. Speaking of bath water, we filter ours. No chlorine for us! The majority of toxins in the body enter through the skin.

  Also, Joey and I don't use soap very often. Only when we are especially dirty or smelly. I find that my skin is much clearer and healthy when I don't use soap. I had aspirations to go "no poo" for a while, but could never stick it out long enough for my scalp to find a good balance. So I just use non-toxic plant based shampoo. And instead of mousse or gel, I just scrunch in a little aloe vera.

  Deodorizing. Joey doesn't. He stopped using deodorant a while ago. He doesn't smell, I promise. You'd be amazed at how much a clean diet affects things like body odor. When he does get very sweaty, he just takes a shower or simply changes clothes. I still use a deodorant, but have not used antiperspirants in years due to the aluminum and other chemicals. Which reminds me...

  There a few key ingredients we actively avoid- aluminum, sodium lauryl sulfates, parabens, any fragrances and dyes, and fluoride. But fluoride? How do we clean our teeth? I make our toothpaste. Equal parts coconut oil (which is antibacterial) and baking soda, plus a little xylitol and peppermint oil. No pesky fluoride to increase aluminum absorption or interfere with bone density. No glycerin to prevent remineralizing of our teeth. Just minty fresh breath and sparkly white chompers.

  And my personal favorite- female hygiene. I gave up tampons and pads (which at best are wasteful and at worst are full of dioxins) about a year before I got pregnant with Perrin. Instead I use a menstrual cup, the Diva Cup actually. I found that although there was a bit of a learning curve it really wasn't that hard to figure out. And I love being able to go worry free for 12 hours without having to change anything out. Plus the money I save not having to buy tampons every month? Love it!

  I'm sure I'm forgetting a few other quirky items, but just know it most likely involves breastmilk or coconut oil.

 

Sushi Dip

     Interrupting my other post AGAIN to address something else- something delicious. I haven't put any other recipes on here, but I'm really proud of this one and it seemed to go over well at the Super Bowl party debut, so here it is. Sushi Dip. We like to make sushi at home, but after making it we usually have no left over rice or nori, just all the other stuff. So last time I mixed all the extras up and put it on crackers and realized it was pretty tasty. I tweaked it a bit and added a few other things for the formal trial run, but the great thing about this dip is that you can customize it however you like.


Sushi Dip

One package cream cheese
One avocado
One tin of crab meat
Wasabi (to taste)
1/2 cup finely diced cucumber
1/2 cup shredded carrot

Mix cream cheese, avocado, and wasabi until smooth. Add crab meat and veggies and mix until combined.
Serve with crackers, toasted seaweed chips, and smoked salmon. Can also have pickled ginger and extra wasabi on the side.

Enjoy!

I'm Sorry

  To the little girl we saw while out and about the other day, I am sorry. I am sorry I didn't stick up for you. It was wrong. I was wrong, the other adults were wrong. What happened was not okay.

  For everyone else, here is the back story. Joey and I were out with Perrin. They had gone off to look at something and I was just taking in my surroundings. I saw a family group near by. A little girl, probably 3 or 4, was walking over to her mother to say something when one of the men sitting nearby reached out and grabbed the little girl and pulled her up into his lap. She immediately started protesting, kicking her legs and trying to wiggle away. Instead of letting go, the adult laughed. She realized he wasn't letting her go and she started to cry. Still holding onto her, the adult told her to "stop whining." Her mother, finally addressing the situation, said only "You were excited to see Uncle so-and-so earlier."

  I wanted to say something. I wanted to yell "Stop it!" I wanted to tell him to put her down. To take his hands off her. To LISTEN to her. But I didn't. I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to be "that person." And I am so sorry. I should have been that person- that person to let the little girl know that her voice does matter. That no one is allowed to touch you without your permission. That no means no. That you have a right to stick up for yourself and it doesn't make you whiny or bad. That just because you were excited about seeing someone early in the day doesn't mean they have a right to your body.

  THIS is rape culture. This is how deep in we are. When we don't realize the messages we are sending our children. If someone is bigger, stronger, has more authority, they can do what they want with you. And you are expected to be polite. To protest, to fight back- that's being whiny, bitchy, cold. What's your problem? He was just joking around. Why can't you just have a sense of humor? You liked him earlier. You flirted/kissed him/went home with him...what right do you have to say no now? Don't be a tease.

  I doubt the lesson was that blatant for the little girl. She probably couldn't even articulate what she had learned from the experience. But how many times has she been taught that lesson? Don't pull away when Uncle Bob hugs you, it's rude. Don't shy away when Aunt Gertrude kisses you, you'll hurt her feelings. If something makes you uncomfortable, just ignore it because you need to be nice. Because your body is not your own; it exists for the gratification of others.

  No one has a right to anyone else's body. Not even parents. Tickling, hugging, kissing, cuddling, holding- these are gifts for an individual to give freely, not things to be taken. Children are so small and so helpless and instead of protecting them we take advantage of them. We ignore their voices. We violate their bodies. Strangers in public like to walk up and try to touch Perrin on the head or grab his hand. How many adults do you think they walk up to and touch without permission? Children are not public property. They are not anyone's property. They are people. Let's start treating them with some basic respect and human dignity.