Friday, August 1, 2014

Stop Marathoning At Me

    You know who you are. You who post pictures of yourself in your running shorts with your gold medal and the little paper number pinned to your shirt. So what? You ran a marathon! You don't have to be so judgmental about it. Just because I never ran a marathon doesn't make me a bad person , you know. I could have run a marathon if I had wanted to, but I didn't want to. I actually had a friend who wanted to run a marathon, but she would have DIED had the doctors not told her she couldn't run a marathon! Have you thought about that? Or what about all the people in the world who can't run marathons? Some people don't have legs! You should really think about these things before bragging to everyone and showing off your stupid medal. Who cares if you worked really hard for it. Who cares if it is something that means a lot to you. Who cares if it was the coolest moment in your life. Obviously the only reason you are posting your finish line pictures is to make all of us non-runners feel like shitty horrible human beings. Maybe that's why you run in the first place! It's all just some grand ploy to show everyone else that you're better than them. It has nothing to do with your health or enjoyment or the fact that it means something to you on a personal level. It's all about making ME feel bad.

      Because really, everything is about ME. My insecurities and apprehensions and regrets and guilt. And instead of accepting my truth and finding pride in my own situation (I actually made it to yoga class this week! I am badass!) I would rather lash out at you for being different. In fact, I'm going to accuse you of being judgmental while I assign arbitrary intention to your actions and words and then judge you on it. Because I'm scared to lift you up, because I'm not comfortable enough with my position in the world. So I'd rather tear you down.

    See what you made me do? You and your stupid marathon running turned me into a petty angry person. Obviously you are the problem here. The only possible solution is for you to stop being so fulfilled by your marathon experience. Or at the very least, pretend like you aren't. Stop talking about endorphins and runner's highs. From now on, just tell people about the shin splints and chaffing and all the horrible stuff. That way those of us who don't run can sit back and say "See!? Why would anyone want to run a marathon? That is so dumb. Obviously they are just doing it for attention." And the next generation of people can continue this cycle and never ever have meaningful conversations about all the different exercise options and how to find what is right for you and honor other people's journeys. Instead, we can all just sit back and hate on you for your running all those marathons at us.

*In case the metaphor escaped you, just go back and reread replacing "marathon" and "running" with "natural birth" or "breastfeeding". There ya go. *

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