Saturday, November 2, 2013
That one thing...
Often time when reading Mommy blogs or talking to other people, the question arises, "What is one thing that is a deal breaker when it comes to having mommy friends?"
In other words, is there some practice that other parents use or something they do that makes it impossible for you to be friends with them. Now I will be honest. There are quite a few practices that I do not like and will not have in my parenting tool box. They range from issues of preference (i.e. purees just seem like a pain in the ass so we aren't going to do them, but that doesn't mean I think there is anything wrong with purees) to issues that I truly feel like there is a "right" answer to (whether or not you turn your child forward in their carseat at the legal limit of 1 year old doesn't change the fact that it's 500% safer to have them rear facing until they reach the height/weight limit). But I can honestly say that I don't have any parent friends who do everything exactly the way I do it. I think it would be impossible. I know parents who are way more natural minded in some respects but more mainstream in others. I am friends with parents all over the spectrum. Just because I do things the way I do doesn't mean I think I found the perfect way to parent or that I think the way other people parent is wrong. We are different people and our children are different people so what comes out of the mix is going to look different.
However, I do notice that I distance myself from some parents. They may say something or do something and slowly, over time, I realize they are no longer on my list of people to go to for advice or people I would seek out to spend time with. I don't think they are bad people or bad parents, but I start to feel that "something" that everyone always talks about. It took me a while and I think I found out what "it" is. Some parents see their children as people, and some don't.
Some parents make it apparent through their words and actions that they respect their children as individuals in their own right and afford them basic human dignity. Others make it clear they think they own their children like property. That is my deal breaker. Because if you don't see your children as people and treat them accordingly, we are operating from two completely different philosophical perspectives. Most of what I do will not make sense to you, and most of what you do will not make sense to me. It's not like I am going to cross the street to avoid anyone. It's more the acceptance that our exchanges are likely to be unproductive and pointless. So yeah, I guess I do have a line. And maybe that makes me judgmental. But unless you think all people are people, you're not *my* kind of people.
**This is not meant to be framed within the Person-hood movement. I do not agree with Personhood legislation and do not support it. Do not use it as such.