As we begin planning for the arrival of Baby, I have
been thinking a lot about my preconceptions about pregnancy, birth, and
parenting and how much they have changed over the past few years. I know my
views tend to fall fairly crunchy of center. Nothing in this post or any
subsequent ones is meant to be judgmental in any way. If you don’t like the way we do
things, that’s fine. I’m glad. Do things your way. My purpose is simply to
share information and provide a perspective that you may or may not have been
exposed to before because I am so SO glad that I stumbled on to these things
before we started having children.
Speaking of which, a lot of people wonder how I stumbled
into the whole birth-activist thing. I basically started with a few friends of
mine with shared world views. However, unlike myself, they had children so they
would post and discuss lots of articles and perspectives concerned with
pregnancy and children that stemmed from feminist and crunchy perspectives not
unlike my own. So I would read them. I like to read, and I like to learn, so if
I become interested in a specific topic it can snowball quickly, especially
considering my access to databases of research through the University. So I
read everything I could find. I read opposing positions and found supporting
sources and counter sources to everything I discovered.
Let’s start with where I started. I always had a fairly
typical “American” view of pregnancy and birth. I was terrified. I always said
there was no way I would have children, not because I disliked children but
because the idea of childbirth scared me more than anything I could imagine.
After all, it’s a medical emergency! You have to go to a hospital for goodness
sakes! There are IVs and a needle in your spine (contrary to what you may think
given my tattoos and piercings- I despise needles), not to mention the monitors
and catheters and beeping and people frantically running around. And this
wasn’t just my perceptions based on movie and television. I was present for the
birth of my two youngest sisters, start to finish. These beliefs, combined with
an overall lack of faith in my body in general that seems to be epidemic in
this country, made me positive that birth was something hard, and excruciating,
and something to be feared.
But then I started my reading. It started with my exposure
to a book called “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.” Women were raving about how amazing and
empowering it was to learn how to monitor your own fertility for either birth
control or conception purposes. Now this resonated with me because I HATED
being on birth control. I hated the way it made me feel (I started
anti-depressants shortly after starting birth control and I do not think that
was a coincidence). I hated the fact that I was pumping my body full of synthetic
hormones, and I hated the risks I was facing (cancer, stroke, etc). And I hated
a slew of other random side effects that always popped up, despite the fact
that I tried several different kinds. I also wasn’t super fond of the $30-$50 I
was paying out of pocket each month (it being pre-Affordable Healthcare Act).
So here was this book promising free, empowering, effective birth control! I
ordered it off of Amazon and read it cover to cover and I was astounded by how
much in the book I didn’t know. I literally had no clue how my own body
functioned.
So I kept reading. I read about normal pregnancy and
childbirth. I learned about the delicate hormonal balance that occurs between
the mother and baby. I read about the intricate process and how my amazing body
was both capable of growing and birthing a tiny person all by itself. I learned
that in over 90% of births, medical interventions are completely unnecessary
and can often cause significant complications. I found out the only about 1/3 of obstetric practices in the U.S. are evidenced based. I learned that obstetrics was developed to treat high risks pregnancies which make up only about 10% of women in the U.S., and was never intended to be the basic care system for the other 90%.I realized that the
medical model of care is just that- one model. And you weren’t going to get
exposure or information about anything else from your doctors or nurses because
that is all they know! That is how they were trained and what their textbooks
said, so that is what they do. I learned that there are other models- birth
centers and midwives and home birth. I found out that home birth is just as safe for the baby as hospital birth for normal pregnancies and more safe for the mother. I learned so many things, more than I
have time to cover in this post.
This resonated deeply with me. I have always been a bit of a
flower child. I never feel more complete or more spiritual than when I am
surrounded by the earth. And this made sense! If every other being in creation
can bring forth life on their own, why can’t I? What makes humans so different
that they can’t perform the most basic of biological functions? Why wouldn’t I
be perfectly and intricately designed, just like any thunderstorm or snow
flake? No matter what your belief system-nature, God, evolution, wherever you
think stuff comes from- why would it make sense that we are so poorly designed
to not even be able to achieve procreation without a thousand bells and
whistles that didn’t exist until a hundred years ago (which we preceded by a
long, long lineage of natural woman centered child birth I might add. If
anything “modern birth” is a social experiment at best)?
And as I learned, I started to feel like I had discovered
some big secret. I wanted to run out into the world screaming, “Hey everyone
listen! You don’t have to be afraid! You don’t have to spend all this money and
time and put up with all this stress and risk! Your body is perfect and works
just fine!” I wanted to tell the doctors how they didn’t need to worry about
all these women and use all these interventions, that pregnancy wasn’t an
emergency or an illness. I was so excited because I felt like I was now holding
information that could make a difference!
But then I kept reading. And I realized it’s not a secret.
This information has never been hidden or obscured. That it is well known and
NORMAL in most of Europe, such as the Netherlands where 80% of births take
place at home without an obstetrician. That it is well known in most
traditional and indigenous societies. That is used to be known here, before the
20th century, and that the evidence supporting all of this
information was still right there in the literature. And then I realized- I
wasn’t uninformed. I was lied to. I was deliberately misled. By doctors, by media, by
insurance companies and hospital policies, by our culture at large. I learned
that the U.S. ranks 49th in the world for maternal mortality. Yet
here in the U.S. we continue down this hypermedicalized path of treatment that
causes more problems (and more infant and maternal deaths) than it fixes. Now
don’t get me wrong, there is a time and a place for all of these things. There
are plenty of emergency situations where these high-tech hospitals and doctors
are totally necessary. But those instances are few and far between and yet
these procedures are considered routine and doled out to every woman walking
through the doors. But people don’t know that. I didn’t know that. Our culture
makes every birth out to be a game of roulette. Thank God the doctor did X, Y,
and Z or we would have lost the baby! (Not realizing that U, V, and W led to
the situation in the first place). No one person is to blame. In part, it’s our
healthcare system. Pathology makes more money than health. Our homebirth
services, which include all of my prenatal care, labor and delivery, and 6
weeks of postnatal care are going to cost $3,000 total. That’s it. For everything. Normal
birth just isn’t very lucrative. And normal birth takes time. Your body is not
on a schedule. But hospitals and doctors and nurses are. And most of them have
never seen a normal, non-medicated child birth. A lot of medical staff have
never seen a woman push in any position other than on her back. And the only
time they do hear about homebirths and birth centers is when someone has to
transfer, which is very rarely happens, but that means they are only seeing the
‘worst case scenarios’ (note: these really aren’t even worst case scenarios,
the whole point of having competent birth support at home is having someone who
knows enough to know when something is outside their abilities and needs
further attention. These should be seen as examples of home birth working
well). The list of things that people don’t know just goes on and on and on. And
then, not often thank goodness, but sometimes…you have people who do know but
just don’t care. You have the doctor who wants to give you a c-section so he
can be home in time for dinner. Or so she can say “I told you so” because you
were being a ‘difficult’ patient.
I slowly began to learn and realize these things, and I
realized there was no way I could give birth in a hospital. Don’t get me wrong,
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t give birth in a hospital or that if you do
you aren’t a good parent or mother or whatever. Believe me, the way I see it,
I’m taking the easy way out! You see, I don’t want to have to deal with
strangers while I’m trying to give birth. I don’t want bright fluorescent
lights in my face or a freezing cold room with a stupid paper gown, I don’t my
movement restricted by constant monitoring and being told I can’t eat or drink. None of these common hospital practices are based in actual research and many of them directly contradict it (like constant monitoring and limiting food intake). To sum it up, I don't want to waste my precious time, energy, and concentration while I am trying to push a baby out of my vagina trying to convince the people around me to just let me push the baby out of my vagina. Let me explain what I do want.
I want to do what my body needs at any given moment. I want
to go for a walk, move around, and change positions as needed. I want to be
able to eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want to keep my strength up. I
want to be able to get in a tub or shower. I don’t want needles in me or
monitors hanging off of me. I want to birth my baby, not have it “delivered”. I
want to labor for as long as it takes, not be rushed or augmented or threatened
with harming my baby because I’m not meeting some made up deadline. I want it
to be a quiet peaceful environment. And when my baby is born, I want him/her to
be placed on me immediately. I want to start breastfeeding and not have to play
defense trying to keep bottles and sugar water and pacifiers away. No tests, no procedures. Just me and this
person I have been waiting 9 months to meet. And then- I want to take a shower,
and go to bed in my own bed with my whole family.
Now I’m not saying this is impossible in a hospital setting,
but it’s not likely and takes hard work (I told you I was taking the easy
route!). Even if I found an OB who was up to date on evidence based care and
agreed to support me, there is no guarantee that the hospital policy would be
ok with it or that the rest of the staff would be supportive. It could easily turn into an uphill battle
just to let my body do what bodies have been doing for millennia. I don’t want
to deal with that. I don’t need that kind of stress. So we will be having our
baby right here in our house, attended by certified midwives. I know some
people would freak out if they had to birth at home. To them, that would be the
most stressful situation. That is why I firmly believe in supporting all women
with all of their decisions- so that they can do what is best for them. The
point is-everyone should be making that choice with all the available
information. Not just some warped societal views or bad medical advice. So if
you want more information- go find it. Start Googling the living crap out of
everything you can think of. A wonderful place to start is birthwithoutfear.blogspot.com. This
website is pretty much nothing but birth stories. All kinds. Home, hospital,
birth center, unassisted, vbac, cesarean, breech, you name it. Reading stories
like these reveals birth for what it is- a normal, beautiful process. And you
will be exposed to a lot of different types of the birth that you may not have
even known existed. Watch “The Business of Being Born”, a documentary about the
birth industry in the United States (this was Joey's first exposure to anything birth related, and as soon as the credits rolled, his first words were "So we are having our kids at home, right?"). Another resource I would recommend is the
book “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” by Ina May Gaskin. It has two sections-
the first is a collection of birth stories, the second is an in depth look at
the process of childbirth. I suggest reading the second section first. The
birth stories may be a little too far on the crunchy side for some people, and
I don’t want anyone to get turned off or dismiss the book entirely. Read the
second section. See what a non-medical model of childbirth looks like. Most of
us are least familiar with the hospital-pitocin-epidural version. Balance out
your perspective. Then, once you have read the second section, go back to the
first. Realize that these stories aren’t your only option, but they are a
legitimate option. You don’t have to be some crazy homeless flower child to
give birth to your baby without an entire hospital backing you up. You aren’t
broken. You aren’t inadequate. YOU can do this.
I thought about waiting to write this post until after the
baby came. I know plenty of you are rolling your eyes because I’ve never
actually given birth so what the hell do I know? I bet I’ll change my tune once
those contractions start (even though if you have never had an unmedicated
birth, you probably have no idea what normal contractions feel like since the
pitocin you were given at the beginning
of labor artificially augmented your contractions making them much more painful)!
First, shame on you for being so snobby. Second, why is it so important to you
how my experience turns out? If you made an informed decision about what was
best for you, you shouldn’t care what anyone else does. And last, I am very
aware that plans may change. That’s fine. I am open to change. Just because I
have a very specific birth plan in mind does not mean I cannot recognize when
something needs to be adjusted. I just refuse to go into one of the most
incredible, empowering experiences of my life with an expect-the-worst
mentality. Do you really think I would put myself or my baby in jeopardy? Of
course not. No mother would. Each mother is just making the decision that is
right for her at that point in time. This is our decision.
Ok so, LOVED this post!! I am so excited and I will totally have to call you because I've been telling Glen for years I want to do either a birthing center or home birth if my body and baby allow. I discovered home birth, and "The Business of Being Born", through nursing school in my OB rotation thanks to my wonderful instructor who showed us every model imaginable and stressed observation and assistance over intervention. I am so excited to hear the details and totally stoked that Joey is so excited and on board. You guys are gonna rock this!
ReplyDeleteYea, technically Joey was on board before I was. I think that just goes to show how different perspectives of birth can be when you come at it with a blank slate rather than all of the cultural baggage we encounter here.
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